Hollywood Celebrity Trash Talk - Tabloid Tuesday
Tabloid Tuesday absolutely LOVES a week like this when 2 of the tabs square off with totally different takes on the same story. It renews your faith in journalism, doesn’t it?
In this corner is STAR Magazine with BIG pictures and BIG headlines about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt getting married. In the opposite corner, is IN TOUCH with BIG headlines revealing that Brad and Angelina are about to be history.
Let’s look at the challenger – IN TOUCH. They lead off with a right hook – a headline that says LATEST NEWS…BARELY SPEAKING .. ARE FIGHTS ABOUT THE CHILDREN TEARING BRAD AND ANGELINA PART?
Bobbing and weaving, the STAR goes into it’s famous ‘Rope-A-Dope’ routine with the headline ANGIE & BRAD … SAY ‘I DO!” WHY ANGIE FINALLY SAID YES! REVEALED! THE RINGS BRAD BOUGHT … THE WEDDING DRESS, PLACE & VOWS.
So, which one are you going to spend your money on? Can’t buy both – it would be far too confusing.
A little history lesson… IN TOUCH, way back on March 13, told everyone that the Brand and Angelina were going to get married in Italy… but in January, they said the wedding was going to be at Angelina’s home… and this was right a previous issue said they were getting married in a Buddhist temple. Let Tabloid Tuesday refresh your memory:
January 30, 2006 --
WEDDING OF THE YEAR .. THE FLOWERS, THE DRESS, AND HER RING – CREATED BY PRINCESS DI’S JEWELER! FINALLY, A WEDDING! ANGELINA JOLIE AND BRAD PITT’S BIG DAY IS THE EVENT OF THE YEAR. HERE’S THE SCOOP ON THEIR SPECIAL CELEBRATION.
Guess it didn’t work our, huh?
But let’s be fair… a few issues ago, STAR magazine wrote: ANGELINA MOVES OUT! AND TAKES THE KIDS WITH HER! AFTER BRANGELINA’S FIRST BIG FIGHT, BRAD LEARNS THE HARD WAY THAT ANGELINA IS NO PUSHOVER! HERE’S WHY SHE PACKED UP AND TOOK OFF, LEAVING BRAD FREAKED OUT.
Guess they patched things up, huh?
Well, you get the point – you pay your $$, you take your chance. Tabloid Tuesday can’t take the disappointment of actually READING the stories – that’s up to you – if you even want to.
Moving over to the ENQUIRER, their big story is about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes: TOM & KATIE … SLEEPING IN SEPARATE BEDROOMS! THE TRUTH ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP … WHY KATIE CALLED OFF WEDDING TWICE…
Okay, sigh… just for you, dear reader, Tabloid Tuesday will take a look at the story…. Page 20… separate bedrooms… behind the scenes drama… hmmmm. Well, according to the story, “a longtime family friend told the ENQUIRER about the days leading up to the most anticipated wedding of the year.. ‘They’re still crazy about each other, but Katie needs her own space. She flees to her own sanctuary when life gets too stressful. It’s not every night. And Tom doesn’t like it, but right now it’s Katie’s call.”
Sooooo… what do you think? Technically they are sleeping in separate bedrooms … but only when Katie needs a break from “Mr. Jumping On Oprah’s Couch.” Who wouldn’t?
And then the ENQUIRER brings you KATIE COURIC… PLASTIC SURGERY MAKEOVER! You have to know what’s coming…. Yup, page 22… the headline is KATIE COURIC PLASTIC SURGERY SHOCKER… and in classic tabloid style, there are 2 photos of Katie side by side – one representing ‘before’ and one representing ‘after.’ Guess which one looks best? The ENQUIRER talked to a plastic surgery doc who has never treated Katie, and let him take a look at the photos. Sure enough, he listed all of the things she could have had done – a little later in the story, a “source close to Katie credits her fresh-faced look to a ‘natural glow of excitement’ – not plastic surgery.
First everyone was upset because Katie showed too much leg (which was absolutely gorgeous, by the way) at her anchor desk… now her ‘plastic surgery shocker.’ Tabloid Tuesday just doesn’t know anymore – wonder if Walter Cronkite was ever accused of showing too much leg?
Finally, over at US WEEKLY, the really BIG news is that Jessica Simpson got dumped! The headline shouts JESSICA’S FIRST POST-NICK ROMANCE BACKFIRES AS JOHN MAYER ACCUSES HER OF USING HIM FOR PUBLICITY: ‘HE THINKS IT’S DESPERATE.’
Now you have to pay real close attention – Jessica Simpson using someone for publicity? Jessica Simpson who can attract a crowd of paparazzi by just walking down the street? Jessica Simpson who can snap her fingers and cause hordes of eager young men to follow her just about anywhere needs John Mayer for publicity? Everyone who believes that raise your hand….. yeah, that’s about what Tabloid Tuesday thinks too.
THE MEN.COM WORST OF THE WEEK: US Weekly
Sure, all the tabs take a bit of liberty with the story, but come on – give the readers some credit – if Jessica Simpson wanted publicity, can’t you think of at least a dozen ways she could get it – most of them not involving taking off her clothes! And keeping it all in the family, the headline on page one about Ashlee Simpson – she got a hair cut because she had too much hair to fit under the wig she wears onstage as ‘Roxie’ in ‘Chicago.’
THE MEN.COM BEST OF THE WEEK: Enquirer
With the addition of the Muhammad Ali and Nicole Kidman stories – there’s something for everyone – as long as you remember it’s all taking place in the world of tabloids.
BEST QUOTE OF THE WEEK: The folks at US weekly quote Katherine Heigl of ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ talking about beauty and brains: “The two are not mutually exclusive; you can have a brain and a body. But if you’re only looking at my body, then you’re looking at the wrong thing.” Sorry, but to be PC, Tabloid Tuesday has to refrain from commenting. (Love the show, by the way!)
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